Jun 23, 2008

How to be lazy

Laziness is the key to success. Here are the rules of being lazy:

# 1. Never do anything. If you wait around long enough, someone else will do it.

# 2. Don't move. Moving is overrated.

# 3. Never run. Running is the worst thing you can do. I had to run once.. big mistake.

# 4. If something is not in your reach, you don't need it. Before you get up to get something across the room next time, think. Do you really want to get up and walk all the way there and all the way back to get it? Yeah, I know. I felt stupid for moving all those times.

# 5. Don't have an opinion. Opinions are thoughts, and thoughts are work.

# 6. Don't work. Working is for suckers. Be a CEO if you can, they never do anything.

# 7. If you have to move, fuss about it. Make it well known that you're pissed off because you have to move. Sigh a lot. Drag your feet and arch your back at 60 degrees (bad posture helps you to conform to the shapes of couches when you sit down, and it makes you look tired).

# 8. Sleep as much as you can. Contrary to common sense and popular belief, sleeping is very productive.

# 9. Don't talk. Talking requires the movement of your jaw.. way too much work.

# 10. If you have to work, do a half-assed job at it. Example: If you have to rake leaves, push them out into the road or into your neighbor's yard. If you have a riding lawn mower, run over them a few times until the pieces are small enough to hide in between blades of grass.

I have more rules, but this is taking more effort than I thought. I'll update this later.. if I'm not too tired.


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