Top Ten Strategic Office Skills

Unsure if you can make it to the top of the corporate ladder? Worry no more, give yourself a break.

Guilty of being a procrastinator? Sometimes, we can't help but procrastinate from time to time. In fact, a lot of people who are in denial would just go ahead and practice these so-called "strategic office skills" to get ahead of being a procrastinator, but, what's the difference?
Always Carry a Document

They say that people carrying out documents as they walk around the office premise looks like they're into something big -- important meetings, conferences, etc. Above it all, carrying loads of stuff as you go home makes the impression that you work longer hours than you do.
Use Computer to Act and Look Busy

Technology is everywhere. Due to it's abundance, often times, it's being abused. In fact, in this strategy, using a computer looks like "work" to the casual observer. But the matter of fact is, you're actually using it when sending and receiving personal e-mails, chatting, surfing non-work-related stuff and building social networks. Warning: when caught by your boss, you can tell him you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses!
Keep a Messy Desk

Keeping a messy desk makes the impression that there's too much to do. To the observer, last year's works looks like the same as today's work: it's volume that counts -- pile them high and wide!
Screen Incoming Calls with a Voice Mail

People don't just call because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call because they want you to do work for them! If somebody leaves a voice mail message and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious, when in fact, you're being a devious weasel.
Look Impatient and Annoyed

Looking impatient and annoyed always leaves the impression that you're under pressure and very busy, thus making it look that you're doing a lot of work.
Leave the Office Late

Guilty of this one? Me too -- always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. This makes a "good impression" that you're preparing the stuff you'll be doing for the next day, when in fact, you're just making the draft of the article you'll be submitting to Triond. On your way out, make sure you walk past the boss' room.
Create Sighing for Effect

Sighing sometimes make the impression that you are under extreme pressure. Extreme pressure equates to loads of work, thus making you look like a very hardworking person.
Stacking Strategy

Stacking a lot of working documents and files around your wokring area, not to mention, thick manuals and books, makes the "good impression" that you're not just a very hardworking employee, but also the type of employee who gives more that a hundred percent of himself.
Build Your Vocabulary

Read and learn from different sources like computer magazines and pick out all the jargons and what's new. You can use these words or phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. You don't have to understand the technicalities of the words, but using them gives you the impression of an intelligent person.
Have Two Jackets

Having two jackets comes along very handy if you work in a big, open office. Always leave a spare jacket draped over the back of your chair -- this gives the impression that you are still on the premises. You can then wear the second jacket while swanning around elsewhere.

Believe it or not, but in my past experiences with certian offices, I've practiced 7/10 (seven out of ten) of these strategic office skills. How about you?

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10 Ideas to deal with difficult situations in Life?

Many times we have to deal with difficult people in our workplace or even in family. Conflict ions in mind always occur between people. Views on same situation differ from person to person. We are humans and we have emotions and ego. When something like this occurs, it bothers everyone. How you handle those people who oppose your ideas? How you deal with them to maintain peace and

Here are some 10 ideas to Deal with Difficult People and situations:

1. Wait before responding: The opposing situations or incidents can make you emotionally charged and during this condition your response will only add oil to the fire. Although the opposing person triggers a response from your side but just wait to cool yourself and think before going. When we react instantly without thinking, we are actually giving them what they want. Avoid it.
2. Ask yourself: Before responding to any situation, ask yourself two questions, “what is the worst thing that can result If I do not respond?“ and “what is the worst thing that can result If I do respond?” You will view the whole scenario in the answers of these two questions and find that nothing good will come out of reacting. It will create nuisance and a total waste of energy.
3. Forgive: Forgiveness is the biggest solution. When you forgive the concerned person, you will find that the situation is over and the chapter of hatred is finished in your mind. Life becomes again on an easy going way.
4. Avoid talking about it: People used to keep talking about your conflicting situations of life and you have to repeat the story again and again in front of all expressing your hatred towards that. Do not waste your energy on repeating the story. It will only disturb you and add more hate in your mind towards it. Avoid talking about it again and again.
5. Eliminate Negative People: Try to avoid negative people in your life. Unhappy people will want to bring you down emotionally, so that they are not down there alone. Squeeze any interaction with them. Try to be surrounded by people who have the qualities you admire: optimistic, peaceful and encouraging people.
6. Learn from them: Negative situations give some lessons to our life. Learn from them. Do not let them waste if they occur. Learn how to deal if this kind of situation occurs again in life.
7. Observe yourself: Observe your thoughts, your views and the situation. It will keep you away from emotions. Instead of identifying with the emotions and letting them consume us, we observe them with clarity and detachment. When you find yourself identifying with emotions and thoughts, bring your focus on your breathe.
8. Relax your body: Try any workout or go for a swimming or a run to relax your body to release the negative and excess energy in us. Physical exercise is a good mean to clear your mind.
9. Write instead of speaking: If you feel negative of some people or feeling disturbed of any opposing situation, express your feeling on paper. Write down all your views and feelings on it till the last bit of the situation remains in your heart and mind. Pour all your anger and hate over the paper. Now roll the paper and throw it away. You will feel better and relaxed. Try!
10. Go for light music: Music is a good remedy to wash out negative thoughts in your mind and give a soothing effect. Go for a light and some good music which you like. It will help you.

These are my points and my experience only. How you people cool down yourself in opposing situations of life? Any other good idea??

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7 Lessons From the World’s Greatest Minds

Have you ever wished you could go back in time and have a conversation with one of the greatest minds in history? Well, you can’t sorry, they’re dead. Unless of course you’re clairaudient, be my guest. But for the rest of us, we can still refer to the words they left behind.

Even though these great teachers have passed on, their words still live, and in them their wisdom. I’ve made a list of seven what I believe are some of the greatest teachings by the world’s greatest minds.
1. Realizing Your Dreams

“If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.”
- Lawrence J. Peter

In order for us to achieve our dreams, we must have a vision of our goals. Writing down our dreams and creating a list of actions helps us stick to our plan. As it’s said “if you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it”. When we turn our goals into measurable actions, we gain clarity and are able to see the necessary steps we must take in order to achieve them.

Action: Visualize a life of your wildest dreams. What did you dream of doing when you were a child? What would you do if you had a million dollars? Create a vision for your goals and start breaking them down into small actions that you can take on a day by day basis.
2. Overcoming Fear

“It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, “Always do what you are afraid to do.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The best way to learn something is to dive right in to it. When we overcome our fear of failure, we learn that only those who are asleep make no mistakes. Fear is the only thing keeping us from experiencing a life of love and fulfillment. If we make a commitment to an uncompromisable quest for truth, we will realize that as we grow more into the truth, our fears start to disappear.

Action: You must define your fears in order to conquer them. Create a list of everything you’re afraid of and start facing them one at a time. Make a commitment to yourself now to not let fear rule your life.
3. Intention and Desire

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.”- Guatama Buddha

Our thoughts determine our reality. When we stop thinking about what we don’t and begin thinking about what we do want, our lives begin to transform. Instead of working against our desires and intentions, we move into alignment with them.

Action: Create a list of your intentions and desires. Wherever you go, take this list with you. Read it when you wake up and before you go to sleep.
4. Happiness

“Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.”
- Benjamin Franklin

Happiness comes from an inner peace, understanding and acceptance of life; a perspective of truth that opens your eyes to the beauty of life all around us. Happiness cannot be achieved by external status, it must be an internal state that we realize when we see our innate perfection.

Action: Realize that happiness is a choice. In every decision you make ask yourself “how can I respond to make myself happy and fulfilled?”
5. Self Acceptance

“If a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand.” - Jesus

When we stop trying to be what we are not, we realize our authenticity. Before we had knowledge, we were completely authentic. We learn to use knowledge to measure and judge, which is a powerful tool we have as humans. However we create an image of perfection in our mind of what we should be, but are not. We confuse knowledge for nature. We believe in the lie of our imperfection. When we realize this we can reclaim the truth of our perfection and live in love and acceptance.

Action: Make a commitment to never go against yourself. Practice non-judgment and realize that the same part of your mind that condemns you is the same voice that caused you to take the action in the first place. We don’t even have to believe what we say to ourselves.
6. Appreciation and Gratitude

“So much has been given to me, I have not time to ponder over that which has been denied.”
- Helen Keller

How many times do we count our misfortunes rather than our blessings? When we take time to open our eyes to the miracle of life we can see the many gifts that have been given to us. Remembering all the beautiful aspects of life and all the reasons you are blessed can immediately shift our mood. We can move from sorrow and despair to appreciation and hope.

Action: Each time you find yourself complaining about something, re-direct your focus to something you are grateful for. Make a habit of transforming your awareness of troubles into an awareness of abundance.
7. The Art of Simplicity

“I made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short.”
- Blaise Pascal

Perfection is not when there is nothing to add, but when there is nothing more to take away. As Bruce Lee once said “the height of cultivation always runs to simplicity.” True mastery of our lives is realizing the simple joys of life, removing distractions and clutter from our lives.

Action: The art of simplicity is knowing what to take away. Practice recognizing when you’re spending your time on unimportant tasks and re-focus on the important.

This list is by no means exhaustive. There are other many great teachings that I did not include here because I felt like they were already expounded on thoroughly elsewhere, such as Einstein and Gandhi’s timeless classics. There are also great teachings to be found from our parents or friends.

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Effective study skills

WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO STUDY? WHAT WILL WORK FOR YOU? SHOULD YOU ADOPT THE TECHNIQUES THAT WORK FOR OTHERS? WHAT IF YOU ARE DISTRACTED BY THE TV OR FEEL LIKE CHATTING WITH FRIENDS? TIPS ON HOW TO STUDY FOR THE BEST RESULTS



NO two people study the same way, and there is no doubt that what works for one person may not work for another. However, there are some general techniques that seem to produce good results.
Your success in high school and college is dependent on your ability to study effectively and efficiently. For best results, effective study skills must be practised. The results of poor study skills are wasted time, frustration, and low or failing grades. It's your life, your time, and your future, plan appropriately.

STUDY TECHNIQUES

Active involvement in reading the text is important for comprehending the material. One frequently suggested method for reading textbooks is the SQ3RT method. Mastering this technique will help you increase your grasping power dramatically. SQ3RT consists of the following steps:

S=SURVEY

Briefly survey the chapter, noting the divisions, headings, sub headings, captions, graphs or maps, tables and figures. Read the chapter summary. This provides an overview of the chapter content and a framework for organising the material.

Q = QUESTION

Turn each section heading into a question that you want answered. Also, try to guess questions that might appear on the exam.

R = READ:

Read the chapter, section by section, trying to answer your questions. Read with full understanding, answer the questions at the end of chapters and note all the underlined, italicised, bold printed words. Reduce your speed for difficult passages.

R = RECITE

After you have read a section, orally ask yourself questions about what you have just read. Answer the questions and state the main points verbally. You may also write down the answers and key points for later reference.

R = REVIEW

Briefly look back over the material to make sure you have included all the main points. Reflect on the meaning and application of the major points. Refine your mental organisation and begin building memory. The review can be done in small chunks of time as you wait between classes or have some time to spare while waiting for friends or between classes. Engaging in short periods of intensive concentration is a very efficient study method.

T = TEST

After a few days, test yourself on whatever you have learnt. Testing is one of the most important points because if you are not able to recollect something, you have a chance to learn it again. If you do not test, you may remain under the false impression that you know it very well.

THE VALUE OF A SCHEDULE

Before you even begin to think about the process of studying, you must develop a schedule. If you don't have a schedule or plan for studying, then you will not have any way of allocating your valuable time when the unexpected comes up. It’s up to you to learn how to develop a schedule that meets your needs, revise it if necessary and most important, follow it. All schedules should be made with the idea that they can be revised. A good schedule, if properly managed, assigns time where time is needed, but you've got to want to do it.

VARY YOUR STUDY ACTIVITIES

Varying activity would reduce boredom. Read and take notes for a while, formulate questions and answers for a time, recite and review to break the monotony. Another example is to do math problems for awhile, then read another subject, review that subject, and then go back to math.

READING TO UNDERSTAND

You can “read” something at many different levels. For example, you might be holding a book in front of your face while you’re actually watching other people. Or you might “read” because your teacher asked you to, so you just sort of look at the words and sentences and then close the book. You may also be reading because you are forced by your parents to study. You might read by rushing through because you have to finish the portion. One of the most common mistakes students do is to read without understanding. To really read something, you should set out with the goal of understanding what the words and sentences mean. You must learn to read with a purpose. One way is to test yourself on the material you’ve read. Imagine what questions a teacher might ask you from that lesson. If you can come up with the questions (and the answers too), you’ve been paying attention to what you’ve read. If not, it’s time to read again.

GUIDELINES FOR EFFECTIVE STUDY


• Be specific about what you want to accomplish (For example, complete exercise of chapter 8, not study biology, it's too broad).

• Manage daydreaming or distracting thoughts. This occurs when your mind has to choose between something pleasurable and something demanding. Use your will power to stop distracting thoughts and refocus on your studies.

• If you frequently think of things that distract you from your work, write down these thoughts on a piece of paper and once you are done with your studies, think only about them for the next ten minutes. Once you give the thought the attention it requires, it would bother you less.

• Resist the desire to snack, get up, watch TV or phone friends. Reward yourself when you succeed in resisting.

• Follow a schedule: eight hours of sleep per night, sufficient activity, etc. Lack of sleep, lack of food, excessive fatigue, high stress and personal problems can cause a lack of concentration.

• Address personal problems before studying or note it on paper and talk to someone trustworthy to unburden yourself. Any kind of emotional disturbance is one of the major causes of lack of concentration.

• You can prepare yourself to succeed in your studies. One of the most important things is to take responsibility for yourself, to recognize that in order to succeed you need to make decisions about your priorities, your time, and your resources. Follow up on the priorities you have set for yourself, and don't let others or other interests, distract you from your goals.

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Top 10 ways to boost your humor skills.

Anyone Can Learn to be Funny.

Probably the single greatest asset which anyone can ever have in conversations is the ability to make other people laugh.

Whether you are talking with your friends, to someone who you like, or just trying to be the popular person who everyone wants to be around, you will get light years ahead if only you can make them laugh.

An interesting, but little known fact is that laughter is a response which is a subconscious way of saying to someone else "I want to bond with you". Is it any wonder that countless surveys have shown that the number one desired characteristic in the opposite sex, for both sexes, is a sense of humor.

But can someone actually learn to be funny? Do you have to be born with a particular natural talent for humor, which if you don't have, there's no chance for you? Are some people permanently condemned to a lifetime of boredom and unpopularity, never able to hold their own in a conversation, while the "natural funny guys" effortlessly take the approval of everyone present? Is there a secret to being funny?

Many naturally funny people, even most stand-up comedians, will tell you that humor "just comes" and that is the only way it can be ever be produced. If you don't possess a natural sense of humor, you will never be funny.

But is this true?

Imagine for a moment, being able to make anyone laugh at will. No matter what the situation, just being able to turn anything into a well-crafted, make-everyone-laugh joke. Always be able to insert that killer funny line into any conversation.

What could you achieve with this ability which outshines even the "naturals"? How easy would conversations be from now on? How much would your confidence improve knowing you will always carry around with you the effortless secret of powerful humor?

But is this possible? Can humor actually "be learned"?

I want you for a moment to think back to your school days when you had to learn that subject which everyone loved called - mathematics. Now, some people found mathematics quite easy and picked it up quite fast, while others didn't take to it as good and plodded along kinda slowly. There are "naturals" at mathematics too.

But in the end, everyone actually learned to do mathematics. Everyone actually learned to be able to do addition and subtraction quite easily. The heavier stuff maybe not everyone got, but it soon became obvious that even those who at first had trouble, with a bit of study and a bit of work, it was possible for anyone to be able to develop the ability to "do mathematics".

So what exactly is going on here? Well, mathematics is primarily a left-brain activity. Now some people are naturally "left-brained" people and so have an advantage at left-brained things like mathematics. However, even those who aren't "left-brained" people can still exercise that part of their brain and develop it to any level they choose. It just takes a little bit more work. The same is true for humor. Humor is primarily a right-brain activity. Some people may not be naturally "right-brained" people, but they can still develop this part of their brain. So who then can learn humor?

Yes it is & Anyone who has ever laughed at a joke can learn to be funny!

That's just about everyone right? OK, sounds great, but how do I learn to be funny? Well, how did you learn to do mathematics? First you were given a formula, then you practiced using it over and over again. It was hard at first - you really had to think. But after doing heaps of problems, it was easy. You could do it in your sleep. It is the same with humor.

So what is the formula to being funny?

Make yourself comfortable here because I am about to share with you the secret to all humor.

The human brain operates by continuously looking for patterns. It does this so that it can constantly predict the outcome of a situation. When a story is began, the brain immediately finds a familiar pattern to associate it to, so that it can predict where it is going. But when this pattern is disrupted and a connection is suddenly made to an entirely new and unexpected pattern, laughter occurs as this new connection is made.

OK, that's a bit heavy. How does it actually work?

Well lets take an example.

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you do, you will be a mile away and have their shoes."

A bit of an old classic, but it clearly demonstrates what we are talking about. The first part of this line - the setup - creates a mental pattern which makes you think a certain way. If we just left it here, you would be thinking I am trying to tell you to be slow to criticize someone and first try to understand them. Now I haven't actually said this, but the mental pattern predicts this outcome.

However, when I drop the second part - the punch line - all of a sudden this first pattern is interrupted and a connection is made to an entirely new, unexpected pattern. Now I am telling you to make sure you can get away with it and have the advantage. The important thing is though, that there is still a connection between the first part and the second part - it still makes sense. It is just not what you first expected. The first pattern has been disrupted. This is how all humor is created.

So how can I use that to be funny?

First create a setup. You say something which has an implied outcome. "I would love to tell you just what a great job you are doing"

The implied outcome is that I like the job this person is doing and I am complimenting them. But then I slam "em with the punch line. "But I don"t want to ruin my honest reputation."

OK, not quite the outcome expected, but it still makes sense. This is humor.

All this might seem like a complicated process, but this is the formula for making people laugh. Remember the first time you were given a mathematics formula to play around with? It was long and complicated at first, but with a bit of practice it soon became easy. If you use this formula to create lots of jokes, very soon it will be automatic. You will have trained your mind to instantly create humor on command. You will have learned to be funny.

What I have just shared with you is the basic formula to be funny on command. The number one resource which I recommend to supercharge your humor to incredible heights in as little as seven days is an e-book called "How to be FUNNY!" written by Stanley Lyndon. This not only takes you step by step how to create humor but also gives a wealth of techniques you can instantly use to maximize your humor to gut-tearing proportions!

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Why some people almost always are successful

Like everyone else I´ve spent some time thinking about why some people are so successful in life. And what factors in success that are under more personal control than others.

Successful people might be intelligent. Or have had a socially well connected upbringings. Or be naturally energetic and open and positive.

But a lot of the factors that make some people more successful at almost anything in life are very much under their control. And much can be improved in anyone’s life by learning from the people that have gone before us.

Here are some of the thoughts on success that I´ve come up with from reading/watching documentaries throughout the years about people such as Michael Jordan, Thomas Edison, Eleanor Roosevelt and Henry Ford. The following factors of success are just a few and I´m quite sure there are a lot more.

They make decisions and take action
Right or wrong action, they take it. Either way it’s always better than making no decisions and taking no action at all. As Franklin Roosevelt said:

“It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.”

They do things even when they don´t feel like it
I think this is a pretty huge factor. A lot of us back down when we don´t want to do something, even though it may eventually bring us to a wonderful experience or goal. Successful people may not always like doing some of the things they have to do. But they do them anyway. And in the longer run that makes all the difference.

They do the most productive thing right now
Instead of trapping themselves in doing productive but not so important tasks or projects they realise what’s most important and do that. And after they´re done with that they do what´s most important again. Instead of just doing a lot of things, they think and plan before they act and try to focus as much as possible of their thoughts and actions on those few very important things.

They do one thing at a time
Many of them don´t seem to multi-task. Some reasons for avoiding that may be that it creates internal confusion, wastes time and spreads the multi-tasker too thinly. Instead, they do one thing and focus on that until it is done. Then they do the next thing until it is done. Focusing 100% on one task at a time will get it done quicker and better.

They have a positive attitude
A negative attitude can be very damaging and limiting to one´s life. A positive one can open new doors every day. It can open your mind to new ideas and input and create or sustain great relationships. It helps you through the hard times as a successful person often sees an opportunity within what others would merely see as a problem.

They have redefined failure
While a lot of people see failure as a way to rationalizing the feeling of wanting to giving up or as a sign that it´s actually time to do something else successful people tend to see it more as useful feedback. They may not like to fail, but they don´t fear it – or at least they have little fear of it - and they know that if they fail they´ve been there before and they can start over again and succeed. This is of course a very useful belief and keeps successful people going while the rest have already given up.

They don´t let fear hold them back
They overcome fear and slay that dragon whenever they face it. Or they may have defined or redefined reality so that fear is substantially decreased or even gone in some areas of their life.

Doing this enables you to take action on your thoughts. This pulls down the barriers in the mind and create new roads and opens up to whole new possibilities.

They have found a purpose in life
They are internally driven rather than externally driven. They do what they have a burning desire to do rather than conforming to what others think they should do. Even if what the others think may be positive and successful stuff.

The Stephen Kings have figured out what they want to do in life and are doing it (or did it).

The purpose, I think, is largely why they can keep on going and be motivated while others may tire or just go and do something else that they find more purposeful. The successes love their purpose and when they aligned with it then it seems to push them forward with enthusiasm and energy through life.

They don´t get distracted
When others get too caught up in everyday life to do what they really want to do the successes don´t. They can really focus on actually doing what´s important and what needs to be done. Again, this seems to go back to having a purpose and more clear sense of direction in life.

They value their time highly and plan it out well
A lot of people don´t value their time that much. Successful people have a purpose in life and therefore they do. They have so much they want and an inner urge to do it and therefore need to plan well to use their days effectively.

They´ve got awesome communication-skills
So very much of what we do in life has to do with other people. So it seems quite obvious that to be successful you´ll probably have to have good or great communication-skills (or hire someone that has such skills).

People skills is fortunately something anyone can improve and develop.Have a look at How to Make a Great First Impression for some useful tips

They have an open mind and are willing to learn
Successful people take the time to study and learn – and often seem to really like doing it - what is necessary to improve their skills. They are open to thoughts, suggestions, solutions, new information and change rather than thinking they already know everything, that there is not much more to learn and that everything should be as it has always been.

What to focus on?
Now, what factors are the most important ones, where should one focus the energy? I am currently focusing on improving my ability to take action, doing what I may not feel like doing and doing the most productive thing right now. To me it seems like these three factors are very important and since they are pretty interconnected they are easy to combine.

I think what you should focus on varies a lot. And it’s up to everyone to figure that out for themselves. But if you´re anything like me you probably already know what areas you need to work on.

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Do you make these 10 mistakes in a conversation?

Can you improve your conversation skills? Certainly.

It might take a while to change the conversation habits that’s been ingrained throughout your life, but it is very possible.

To not make this article longer than necessary let’s just skip right to some common mistakes many of us have made in conversations. And a couple of solutions.

Not listening
Ernest Hemingway once said:

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

Don’t be like most people. Don’t just wait eagerly for your turn to talk. Put your own ego on hold. Learn to really listen to what people actually are saying.

When you start to really listen, you’ll pick up on loads of potential paths in the conversation. But avoid yes or no type of questions as they will not give you much information. If someone mentions that they went fishing with a couple of friends last weekend you can for instance ask:

* Where did you go fishing?
* What do you like most about fishing?
* What did you do there besides fishing?

The person will delve deeper into the subject giving you more information to work with and more paths for you choose from.

If they say something like: “Oh, I don’t know” at first, don’t give up. Prod a little further. Ask again. They do know, they just have to think about a bit more. And as they start to open up the conversation becomes more interesting because it’s not on auto-pilot anymore.

Asking too many questions
If you ask too many questions the conversation can feel like a bit of an interrogation. Or like you don’t have that much too contribute. One alternative is to mix questions with statements. Continuing the conversation above you could skip the question and say:

* Yeah, it’s great to just get out with your friends and relax over the weekend. We like to take a six-pack out to the park and play some Frisbee golf.
* Nice. We went out in my friend’s boat last month and I tried these new lures from Sakamura. The blue ones were really great.

And then the conversation can flow on from there. And you can discuss Frisbee golf, the advantages/disadvantages of different lures or your favourite beer.

Tightening up
When in conversation with someone you just meet or when the usual few topics are exhausted an awkward silence or mood might appear. Or you might just become nervous not knowing exactly why.

* Leil Lowndes once said: “Never leave home without reading the newspaper.” If you’re running out of things to say, you can always start talking about the current news. It’s also good to stay updated on current water cooler-topics. Like what happened on the latest episode of Lost.
* Comment on the aquarium at the party, or that one girl’s cool Halloween-costume or the host’s mp3-playlist. You can always start new conversations about something in your surroundings.
* Assume rapport. If you feel nervous or weird when meeting someone for the first time assume rapport. What that means is that you imagine how you feel when you meet one of your best friends. And pretend that this new acquaintance is one of your best friends. Don’t overdo it though, you might not want to hug and kiss right away. But if you imagine this you’ll go into a positive emotional state. And you’ll greet and start talking to this new person with a smile and a friendly and relaxed attitude. Because that’s how you talk to your friends. It might sound a bit loopy or too simple. But it really works.

Poor delivery
One of the most important things in a conversation is not what you say, but how you say it. A change in these habits can make a big difference since your voice and body language is a vital part of communication. Some things to think about:

* Slowing down. When you get excited about something it’s easy to start talking faster and faster. Try and slow down. It will make it much easier for people to listen and for you actually get what you are saying across to them.
* Speaking up. Don’t be afraid to talk as loud as you need to for people to hear you.
* Speaking clearly. Don’t mumble.
* Speak with emotion. No one listens for that long if you speak with a monotone voice. Let your feelings be reflected in your voice.
* Using pauses. Slowing down your talking plus adding a small pause between thoughts or sentences creates a bit of tension and anticipation. People will start to listen more attentively to what you’re saying. Listen to one of Brian Tracys cds or Steve Pavlina’s podcasts. Listen to how using small pauses makes what they are saying seem even more interesting.
* Learn a bit about improving your body language as it can make your delivery a lot more effective. Read about laughter, posture and how to hold your drink in 18 ways to improve your body language.

Hogging the spot-light
I’ve been guilty of this one on more occasions than I wish to remember. :) Everyone involved in a conversation should get their time in the spotlight. Don’t interrupt someone when they are telling some anecdote or their view on what you are discussing to divert the attention back to yourself. Don’t hijack their story about skiing before it’s finished to share your best skiing-anecdote. Find a balance between listening and talking.

Having to be right
Avoid arguing and having to being right about every topic. Often a conversation is not really a discussion. It’s a more of a way to keep a good mood going. No one will be that impressed if you “win” every conversation. Instead just sit back, relax and help keep the good feelings going.

Talking about a weird or negative topic
If you’re at a party or somewhere were you are just getting to know some people you might want to avoid some topics. Talking about your bad health or relationships, your crappy job or boss, serial killers, technical lingo that only you and some other guy understands or anything that sucks the positive energy out of the conversation are topics to steer clear from. You might also want to save religion and politics for conversations with your friends.

Being boring
Don’t prattle on about your new car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings. Always be prepared to drop a subject when you start to bore people. Or when everyone is getting bored and the topic is starting to run out of steam.

One good way to have something interesting to say is simply to lead an interesting life. And to focus on the positive stuff. Don’t start to whine about your boss or your job, people don’t want to hear that. Instead, talk about your last trip somewhere, some funny anecdote that happened while you where buying clothes, your plans for New Years Eve or something funny or exciting.

Another way is just to be genuinely interested. As Dale Carnegie said:

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Which is just another way of saying that the way to make a friend is to be one.”

Knowing a little about many things or at least being open to talk about them instead of trying to steer the conversation back to your favourite subject is a nice quality.

Meaning: talking for what seems like hours about one topic. Topics may include work, favourite rock-band, TV-show and more work.

Opening up a bit and not clinging desperately to one topic will make the conversation feel more relaxed and open. You will come across like a person who can talk about many things with ease. As you’ve probably experienced with other people; this quality is something you appreciate in a conversation and makes you feel like you can connect to that person easily.

Not reciprocating
Open up and say what you think, share how you feel. If someone shares an experience, open up too and share one of your experiences. Don’t just stand there nodding and answer with short sentences. If someone is investing in the conversation they’d like you to invest too.

Like in so many areas in life, you can’t always wait for the other party to make the first move. When needed, be proactive and be the first one to open up and invest in the conversation. One way is by replacing some questions with statements. It makes you less passive and makes take a sort of stand.

Not contributing much
You might feel that you don’t have much to contribute to a conversation. But try anyway. Really listen and be interested in what the others are saying. Ask questions. Make relating statements.

Open your eyes too. Develop your observational skills to pick up interesting stuff in your surroundings to talk about. Develop your personal knowledge-bank by expanding your view of interesting things in the world. Read the newspapers and keep an eye on new water cooler-topics.

Work on your body language, how you talk and try assuming rapport to improve your communication skills.

But take it easy. Don’t do it all at once. You’ll just feel confused and overwhelmed. Instead, pick out the three most important things that you feel needs improving. Work on them every day for 3-4 weeks. Notice the difference and keep at it. Soon your new habits will start to pop up spontaneously when you are in a conversation.

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