## Oct 25, 2007

### How To Build A House in A Day

This is a wood framing technology, originally from Japan. Essentially a small group of untrained people can erect an entire house frame in 1-3 days, depending on the size of the structure. Thanks to qureyoon for the submit. Seems not really stable, though.

### The oldest elephant in the world.

An elephant at the Panna Tiger Reserve in India, is probably the oldest elephant in the world. an elephant 86-year-old elephant at Taipei's Mucha Zoo, which holds the world record.The elephant, Vatsala, in her nineties, came to the Madhya Pradesh sanctuary in 1971. Her carers want to prove she is older than Lin Wang.

## Oct 18, 2007

### World's Oldest Surviving Rolls-Royce

Rolls-Royce For sale - Venerable old car, only three previous owners. Offers around 2 million pounds (\$4m). But this is no ordinary -- albeit expensive -- car. It is the world's oldest surviving Rolls-Royce, a star in the automobile enthusiasts' firmament.

Built in 1904, car 20154, a small 10 horsepower open-topped two-seater, is only the fourth vehicle produced by the landmark cooperation between Charles Rolls and Henry Royce and the oldest one still running.

### How to Calculate the Distance from Lightning

You know how it is - a thunderstorm is approaching, and suddenly you hear an absolutely deafening clap of thunder. Whoa, that sounded close! But how close is the lightning, really? It is difficult to determine the distance of a lightning bolt just by looking at it, and the volume of the thunder isn’t a good way to tell either. Read on for a simple, potentially life-saving method you can use to approximate how far away lightning is.

(4)Steps:

1. Watch the sky for a flash of lightning.

2. Count the number of seconds until you hear thunder. If you have a watch with a second hand or a digital watch that has seconds, begin timing as soon as you see the lightning and stop as soon as you hear the thunder start. If you don’t have a watch, do your best to count the seconds accurately. Say "One one thousand, two one thousand etc." in your mind for each second.
3. Divide the number of seconds by 5 to calculate the distance in miles (or divide by 3 for kilometers). In other words if you counted 18 seconds from when you saw the lightning, the strike was 3.6 miles (6 kilometers) from your location. The delay between when you see lightning and when you hear thunder occurs because sound travels much, much more slowly than light. Sound travels through air at about 1100-1200 feet (330-350 meters) per second (depending on altitude, relative humidity, pressure, etc.), which is a little more than one mile per five seconds (one kilometer per three seconds). In comparison, the speed of light is 983,571,058 feet (299,792,458 meters) per second.
For example, if lightning strikes a point 1 mile away, you will see the strike approximately .00000536 seconds after the strike while you will hear it approximately 4.72 seconds after the actual strike. If you calculate the difference between these two experiences, a person will hear a strike approximately 4.71999 seconds after the strike actually occurred. Therefore, 5 seconds per mile is a fairly robust approximation.

4. Seek shelter immediately if a storm is approaching.

Tips:

* If a lot of lightning is occurring close together, it may be difficult to approximate how far away a given flash is, since it will be hard to tell which clap of thunder "belongs" to which flash of lightning. In this case, you’ll need to keep trying the steps above until you can finally be certain that a given bang resulted from a given flash. Of course, if safety is your primary goal, start counting from the last flash you see. This way it won't matter which flash was closest (or furthest), you will know how close the nearest flash was to you irrespective of which flash it was or how bright the flash was, assuming of course that no other flashes interrupt your count.

* If you are in an area with a lot of background noise (if you are on a busy city street, for example, or working around heavy machinery) you may not be able to determine when thunder starts, if you can hear it at all.

* Sound travels through air at slightly different speeds depending on air temperature and relative humidity (density). The difference is fairly small, however, and won’t substantially affect your calculations. For more information, see the sound speed calculators in the external links section below.

* If you have a map and compass, try plotting the location of each lightning strike by drawing a line on the map in the direction of the lightning, and a cross at your calculated distance along this line.

* Tell people about this method. Many people still believe the myth that the number of seconds you count is equal to the number of miles away the lightning is.

Warnings

* This is not an exercise to perform outside. If there’s lightning around, get to shelter immediately.
* Lightning can be deadly. These instructions can help you avoid danger, but only if you take action when lightning is near. See the related wikiHow article for more information on staying safe in a thunderstorm.
* Storms can travel very fast, and lightning frequently strikes up to 10 miles from a storm (occasionally up to 50 miles). Thus, even if you determine that the lightning is quite far away, you should seek shelter, as the next strike could be much closer.
* Due to the way sound travels and how various objects, such as mountains and buildings, interact with soundwaves this is not the most reliable way to predict lightning distance. Don't let your life depend on it. Listen to local weather authorities.
* If you do not see the lightning strike directly, the sound you hear may be a reflection off a building or a mountain, which adds time between the two events (the flash and the bang, thus making the lightning seem farther away than it really is. Consider the effect of nearby (especially large) objects/obstructions, as sound must "bend" around and bounce off of them. Any indirect path must be larger than the distance which you are trying to calculate.

### 9 Bolts Caught at a Time

It was taken from somewhere up in the hills overlooking Paphos, a coastal city in the southwest of Cyprus, during the storms in winter 2006

## Oct 17, 2007

### How to Charge any Battery Survival-Style

My camera shut down from low battery just when I needed to take some pictures.
The light was perfect. I suddenly remembered where I'd left the charger - 3000 miles away.

Everyone's had this experience, or the similar experience of spending one's vacation searching for a cellphone charger for someone.

Here's how to charge any battery enough to keep doing the important stuff.

This is the battery to my Canon S30. It's got three terminals, labeled "+", "-", and "T".
I've clipped alligator-clips onto the two obvious ones.
You don't need clips, you can just hold wires on it for as long as it takes to charge, that's probably better anyway, so you can tell if anything is going wrong.

Warning! Wear eye protection and if anything weird happens don't breathe the fumes!

step 1Hands on Charging
What was that other terminal marked "T" for? TIMMY of course, just like in the nursery rhyme!
It's for Timmy to check how hot the battery gets when you charge it.
Actually it's "Thermistor" or similar names. Temperature sensor. To see how hot the battery gets when you charge it.

Instead of a computer to keep track of temp, weve got a Timmy handy to hold his finger on the battery. If it gets hot you're doing something wrong.

"Digital sensor, huh?" would be a running joke back when Americans knew Greek and knew that digits are fingers. But then numbers got so much use we forgot about counting on fingers, and now people barely know how to do anything with their hands.

Anyway, here's a finger used as a digital thermometer. Which reminds me of the joke about the doctor...

step 2Current and Voltage
Want to be totally mystified? Look up "battery charge control".
Add keywords like "li-ion" for further obfuscation.

That stuff is important if you want to fully charge your battery, make it survive many charge cycles, or avoid lawsuits.

We just want to take pictures or talk on the phone. So here's what we do:
Go find a dc powersupply. Nice ones usually live next to people with names like "electronics guy". If you can find one like this that displays current and voltage, it's really easy.
If you can't, there's still hope, hang in there til later.

Turn the current and voltage knobs all the way to the left. Turn on the powersupply and
hook it up to your battery, bearing in mind that red and black wires can possibly be plugged into the wrong sockets. Read the labels and unplug anything that seems to be arcwelding on your battery.

Turn up the voltage and current limit knobs until 500 milliamps (0.5 amps) is flowing into your battery. If you feel like being careful look up how much current the experts use.
But half an amp for a few minutes won't damage any battery that's big enough for a modern camera or phone.

step 3Time Limit
We're not going to fully charge the battery because we don't know how, and we're in a hurry.
We're just going to charge it enough to go back to our regular jobs. The phone or camera will tell us roughly how charged the battery is after we start using it.

So we're only going to charge it for ten minutes or so.

This battery has 1200 milliamp/hours of capacity. So if it's fully discharged and we charge it at 500 milliamps per hour, it would take more than two hours to fully charge it.

Some types of batteries can be badly damaged by overcharging. Some are just damaged a little.
Here's how my golf cart avoids overcharging. There's a built in appliance timer that turns off the charger automatically. It won't let you charge for more than 24 hours without re-setting.

step 4Christmas Tree Lightbulbs as Improvised Current Regulators
If you can't find a nice variable powersupply like our electronics guy has, you can still charge
a battery.

Hopefully you own an electrical meter.
Find a source of DC electricity. Look at the voltage of your source, the voltage of your battery, and use Ohm's law to figure out what kind of resistor you need to put between the two to get the right current to flow. Then go find that resistor. A piece of a heating element from a toaster or hair dryer can work. That clothes iron in the photo worked for a certain battery and a certain dc source.

The best improvised current regulator is usually a small lightbulb. The bulb is great because the resistance goes way up when the filament gets hot and limits the current. And you can only put an amp or so through one of these without burning it out, so it acts as its own fuse. And they're free gifts from garbage Santa.

Here I'm using two bulbs in series to limit the current going into a gelcell. Use your multimeter to measure what current goes through your bulb at different voltages. Or you can just cowboy it and use one tiny bulb for a few minutes, while feeling to see if the battery gets hot or not.

Wear eye protection and don't breathe the fumes!

### A beautiful green natural panties

I am sure it’s environmental friendly too. Hope your ass will not feel itchy when you are wearing it. Haha…

Anyway, it’s good to get one to try especially for its environmental friendly material. However I am not sure if this pantie is in production yet… Where to order one?

### If a Woman with No Arms Can Do It…

If she can do it, we can do it. Let her story be your inspiration the next time you feel overwhelmed. She has no arms, but she still has a mind filled with passion and purpose. These qualities have allowed her to overcome her physical limitations.

## Oct 10, 2007

### 23 Brilliant Doubts - Unanswered

1.If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird)

2.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be give a thought)

3.What is the speed of darkness? (absurd)

4.If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)

6.Can you cry under water? (let me try)

7.Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something else)

8.Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)

9.Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)

10.Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes)

12.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight i will stay and watch)

13.What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed)

14.If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)

16.If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )

17.Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)

18.Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isnt it)

19.If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)

20.If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (i dont have a change to try)

21.Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)

22.If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice)

23.Wh! y do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? (stupid, break the law)

### How to make a woman Happy

It's really not difficult...
To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be :
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
17. a psychologist
18. a pest exterminator
19. a psychiatrist
20. a healer
20. a good listener
22. an organizer
23. a good father
24. very clean
25. sympathetic
26. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

## Oct 9, 2007

### It's A Good Crack Or Is It Art?

Britain's Tate Modern gallery revealed the latest addition to its collection Monday -- a 500-foot (150 meter) crack running the length of the building's ground-floor hall. The work by Colombian artist Doris Salcedo begins as a hairline fissure and gradually widens and deepens as it zigzags across the concrete floor.

Bogota-based Salcedo said the work's "negative space" symbolized the experience of illegal immigrants.

Asked how deep the crack went, she said: "It's bottomless. It's as deep as humanity."

Tate director Nicholas Serota said the work had not damaged the building, but would leave a permanent mark. "There is a crack, there is a line, and eventually there will be a scar and that scar will remain," he said. "It will remain as a memory of the work and also as a memorial to the issues Doris touches on."

Salcedo's piece is titled "Shibboleth," after a Biblical massacre in which members of a defeated tribe were identified for slaughter based on the way they spoke.

### 10 things I love about India

When I wrote about the 10 things I hate about India, I did not at all realise that my
article would trigger such an avalanche of comments. In fact, as I mentioned, it was for me a psychological exercise to express some of the frustrations one faces in daily material life in India.

First, let me be clear, it is because I love this country that I wrote about the 10 things I hate. But as this was misinterpreted by some, I would like to give 10 good
reasons why 32 years ago I took the never regretted decision to settle in India.

In the 1970s, the desire for a foreigner to settle in India appeared strange: the general trend was opposite. Whoever had a chance to get a plane ticket to the West, was prompt to try his/her luck and dreamt of a green card or the equivalent.

I must mention a strange reasoning: How one can be accused of being an 'India hater' when one is simply pointing out certain flaws which are obviously wrong. Why should criticism of the Indian government's functioning signify that one is against India?

1. Why I came to India: 'What is India?' Sri Aurobindo the great Indian rishi wrote in 1905: 'For what is a nation? What is our mother-country? It is not a piece of earth, nor a figure of speech, nor a fiction of the mind. It is a mighty shakti, composed of the shaktis of all the millions of units that make up the nation.'

This India: 'that is Bharat,' was what I wanted to discover when I settled in the south in 1974. It was my first and main reason to leave my family, my career (I was a dentist) and my country (I was not so attached!).

Before departing from France on a long overland journey through Europe, Turkey, Iran, Afghanistan and Pakistan, I had seen touching movies shot by a French television director Arnaud Desjardins who in the 1960s spent several months on Indian roads to encounter sages, yogis and saints.

The images of Ma Anandamayi in her Varanasi ashram or of Swami Ramdas had deeply marked me. Desjardins also spent months in the Himalayas guided by the Dalai Lama's interpreter. He recorded images of Tibet's last great Lamas, many of whom had meditated for decades in remote caves of the Land of Snows and had acquired some very special powers.

My decision was taken, I would come and live in India.

Then I read Sri Aurobindo's books and came to Pondicherry (instead of a monastery in Dharamsala). The Bengali sage who had been the first to advocate Purna Swaraj in the early years of the 20th century, did not reject life. According to him, everything had to be transformed by the power of the spirit.

This Indian philosophy of life, whether it is called Sanatan Dharma or by any other name is my first love. Other reasons ensue from it.

2. The mountains: I love the beautiful mountains of India. But are they really mountains? Many believe they are the abode of the gods. And India has so many gods! A friend recently told me there are 330 million gods. I am not sure how the inventory was made, but it must be true.

Is it not better to have such a rich choice? Personally, I always found the single god religions less 'creative.' Even Buddhism, if it had not incorporated thousands of deities in its Mahayanic form, would be rather dry.

It is this divine presence which makes the Himalayas so majestic and imposing. One of the best moments in my life is undoubtedly my trek to Gaumukh, the source of the mighty Ganga. My visit (and bath) to Hemkund Sahib in Uttaranchal will also remain a cherished souvenir.

3. A quality of being: A French journalist recently asked me: 'What was your first impression of India when you reached Pondicherry in 1974?'

I told him that it was probably the kindness and the smile of the villagers around. They were poor but they had such dignity; a quality of being which made them a hundred times richer than wealthy Europeans or Americans.

Countless times, I was told 'India is a poor country,' each time I answered: 'No, India is rich because her people have this special quality. Hefty bank accounts do not make people rich.'

In recent years, Indians have become wealthier (A PIO [Lakshmi Mittal] has even purchased the flagship of French industry), it is good but I hope that people will not lose their inner qualities in the process.

4. Hospitality: The first thing a tourist or a visitor in India discovers is the warmth and hospitality of the Indian people. Just board a train, you will hardly be seated, that the family on the next berth will open their tiffin, with rotis, sabzi and pickles and generously offer to share their food with you. (The biscuit gangs operate on this principle: food has to be offered and can't be refused.)

I was told by a friend teaching in IIT, Mumbai, the story of an American professor. He was on a one-year sabbatical and had found a teaching assignment at the IIT. From the airport, he took a taxi to the campus.

Unfortunately for him, it was the day of the July 26, 2005 floods in the city. Soon his taxi was stuck in the traffic and the water level began mounting. Seeing his gloomy situation, an Indian family passing by, offered to take him and his luggage to their nearby home.

They eventually offered him their bed while they slept on the floor. The American professor was so deeply moved. He had touched one of the core qualities of the Indian people. Everyone in India knows hundreds of such incidents.

5. The economic renaissance: Sri Aurobindo, in the article already cited, had written that at the beginning of the 20th century, Mother India, the Great Shakti was 'inactive, imprisoned in the magic circle of Tamas, the self-indulgent inertia and ignorance of her sons...'

Nothing pleases more that to see that since the beginning of the 1990s, India had taken an upbeat turn in the economic field. Prime Minister Narasimha Rao and his Finance Minister Manmohan Singh will be remembered in history as those who dared to abandon the old Soviet path of a planned economy.

It is significant that these changes came after the Non Resident Indians began doing extremely well in the West. One could ask, why were Indians doing so well outside India and not in India?

It is probably because in India, creativity, an engrained Indian quality has been too stifled by bureaucratic rules and babus of all types. The Indian government is unfortunately a serial killer of creativity.

6. Creativity: In India, I have always found remarkable the individuals' creative genius.

To quote Sri Aurobindo (1905) again: 'For three thousand years at least -- it is indeed much longer -- she (India) has been creating abundantly and incessantly, lavishly, with an inexhaustible many sidedness, republics and kingdoms and empires, philosophies and cosmogonies and sciences and creeds and arts and poems and all kinds of monuments, palaces and temples and public works, communities and societies and religious orders, laws and codes and rituals, physical sciences, psychic sciences, systems of Yoga, systems of politics and administration, arts spiritual, arts worldly, trades, industries, fine crafts, -- the list is endless.'

It is only now, nearly 60 years after Independence that this Indian creativity starts expressing itself whether it is in India or abroad.

7. Political hospitality: I have often criticised Jawaharlal Nehru for his numerous blunders in foreign policy, but I must acknowledge that he had the courage and the wisdom to give asylum to the Dalai Lama and his followers in 1959 and this despite his friendship with Zhou Enlai and the Chinese leadership.

The Dalai Lama told me once that during his first meeting with Nehru in September 1959, the Indian prime minister told him, 'I will not support you politically, but I will educate your children.'

Thanks to the political kindness of the Indian people, Tibetan Buddhism and its rich tradition have been able to survive, when they were erased in their own land. This personally touches me deeply.

8. Human babus: I often criticise the babus, 'a native clerk who knows English', according to the Hobson Jobson dictionary, but I must admit that despite all his failings, the Indian babu is a human being with whom one can always discuss and who is susceptible to understand the human side of personal predicaments.

This is not the case with 'the Administration' in the West.

9. The Indian Army: Something has always amazed me: the untamable courage and abnegation of Indian jawans and officers. During the Kargil conflict for example, is it not incredible that despite a terrain entirely in their disfavour, the Indian troops managed to recapture all the peaks occupied by Pakistan?

American Marines would never have succeeded in doing what the Gorkha regiments or the Ladakh Scouts achieved. Hundreds of similar examples could be given. One still remembers how Major Somnath Sharma (the first Param Vir Chakra awardee) saved Srinagar airport (and Kashmir) from the raiders in November 1947 at the cost of his life and his men's lives.

10. The grace: One day an Indian friend of mine was visiting Israel. His guest asked him: 'How does India work?' My friend was a bit surprised by the question, but before he could answer, his Israeli colleague told him: 'Here we work with our guts.'

My friend's answer came at once: 'In India, it is the Grace which sustains us.' This exchange has come back to my mind in innumerable circumstances. I think it is very true.

One more reason to love India!

If one balances the 'hate-able' and 'lovable', the irritating aspects are just superficial prickly heat; the deeper one goes, the more one sees the inner qualities of Bharat. No doubt, this will make India a truly great nation in the years to come.

### Most Expensive Flawless Blue Diamond

The 6.04 carat, internally flawless blue diamond fetched £650,000 per carat, having smashed a 20-year-old record held by the Hancock Red Diamond of Brazilian origin which fetched £450,000 per carat at the time.An unknown Asian collector's flawless blue diamond was successfully bid by Moussaieff Jewellers in London for £4 million at a Sotheby's auction in Hong Kong, becoming the most expensive gemstone in the world

## Oct 7, 2007

### Most Romantic Hotels in the World

The below list is compiled by Romance Tracker, while one person’s romantic hotel may be another person’s nightmare vacation, so we can't guarantee what the most romantic hotels both Romance Tracker and RC believed might not be yours.

1. Twin Farms: Bernard, Vermont

2. Mala Mala Game Reserve: South Africa

3. The Inn at Irving Place, New York

4. La Villa Gallici, France

5. The Bauer, Venice

6. Dar Mimosas, Morocco

7. Four Seasons at Jimbaran Bay, Bali

8. La Sirenuse, Italy

9. The Point, Saranac Lake, NY

10. Hotel Ritz, Paris

Among those ten hotels, I only know a little bit about Paris's Hotel Ritz which is owned by the British billionaire Mohamed Al-Fayed, the father of Princess Diana's boyfriend Dodi Fayed. The hotel is the last place where Princess Diana stayed before she and Dodi Fayed were killed during a tragical car accident in 1997.

### 25 Signs You Have Grown Up

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “breakup.”

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”

23. Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit what the hell happened?”

### INTERESTING YET FUNNY

You can become an engineer if u study in Engineering college .. U cannot become a president if u study in Presidency College !

You can expect a BUS from a BUS stop... You cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop.

A mechanical engineer can become a mechanic but a software engineer cannot become a software!

You can find keys in Key board but you cannot find mother in mother board.

You can study and get any certificates.... But you cannot get your death certificate.

## Oct 5, 2007

### The Thing that Your Right Foot Can't Do

For those of you with some spare time in office...try it. Bet you can't!

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand...your foot will change direction!

"The left side of your brain, which controls the right side of your body, is responsible for rhythm and timing. The left side of your brain cannot deal with operating two opposite movements at the same time and so it combines them into a single motion. Try this with your right foot and left hand and you should have no problem!"

## Oct 3, 2007

### 99 Excuses for Skipping out of Work

1. My kids are locked outside.

2. My kids are locked inside.

3. My kids are stuck in the door.

4. I have to pick on my kids.

5. I have to help my grandmother bake cookies.

6. I have to help my Aunt Flo in Omaha make cookies. She’s much better now and she wants to send thank-you cookies to everyone who came to see her when she thought she was dying.

7. The water company has to read my meter once a year and this was the only time they would come.

8. The gas company has to read my meter once a year and this was the only time they would come.

9. The water meter guy and the gas meter guy were both leaving cards on my door about me not being home, and they got into a fight about whose meter was better, and I have to go home and clean up.

10. My daughter is graduating from high school and I’d like to go to the ceremony.

11. My daughter is receiving a Nobel Prize and I’d like to go to the ceremony. (Do not use within one month of #9).

12. I have to pick up my car at the shop. If I don’t get there in half an hour it’ll be locked up all weekend.

13. I have to get my car to the shop. If I don’t get it there in half an hour it’ll be locked out all weekend. (Don’t use if boss seems wide awake).

14. My dog has a rash all over, and the vet closes early today.

15. My cat has a rash all over, and the vet closes early today.

16. My kid has a rash all over, and the vet closes early today.

17. My truss snapped.

18. My support hose popped.

19. I got my fingers stuck together with Krazy Glue.

20. I’m arranging financing for a house.

21. I’m arranging financing for a car.

22. I’m arranging financing for a beef roast.

23. The couch I ordered umpteen weeks ago has arrived and this was the only time they could deliver it.

24. The refrigerator I ordered umpteen weeks ago has arrived and this was the only time they could deliver it.

25. The baby we arranged for nine months ago is arriving, and I think this is the time it’s being delivered. (Note: This is an excuse that can’t be used by just anybody. But if it’s close to accurate, it’s extremely effective.

26. I have been asked to serve on a presidential advisory panel.

27. I’m being sent to the moon by NASA.

28. It’s Dayton’s Warehouse Sale.

29. My back aches.

30. My stomach aches.

31. My hair aches. (This is more acceptable than “I have a hangover,” especially if offered in the early afternoon.)

32. My biological clock is ticking.

33. I have to take my biological clock in for service.

34. My furnace won’t stop running, and the goldfish are getting poached.

35. My central air conditioning won’t stop running, and the goldfish are getting freezer burn.

36. Both my furnace and my central air conditioning won’t stop running. The goldfish are fine but my basement is about to explode.

37. I have to go to the airport to pick up my mother.

38. I have to go to the airport to pick up my minister.

39. I have to go to the airport to pick up my minister’s mother.

40. I have to take my mother to the doctor.

41. I have to take my minister to the doctor.

42. I have to take my doctor to my minister.

43. I think I left the iron on.

44. I think I left the water on

45. I think I left the refrigerator on.

46. I’m getting married, and I have to go pick out rings.

47. I’m getting married, and I have to take a blood test.

48. I’m getting married, and I have to figure out to whom.

49. I have to have my waistband let out.

50. I have to have my watchband let out.

51. I have to have my son’s rock band let out.

52. I’m having my eyes checked this noon, and they put drops in them so I won’t be able to work afterwards.

53. I’m having my ears checked this noon, and they put drops in them so I won’t be able to work afterwards.

54. I’m having my hats checked this noon, and I’ll be having a drop or two so I won’t be able to work afterwards.

55. I’m having a root canal.

56. I’m having a tax audit.

57. I’m going on a date with a sadomasochistic necrophile. (Is that beating a dead horse?)

58. My broker needs to talk with me about diversification.

59. I have to rearrange my savings so that there is no more than \$100,000 in any one federally insured institution.

60. I need to break into my kid’s piggy bank while he’s not home.

61. I have to renew my driver’s license.

62. I have to get new license plates.

63. I have to stand in a long line for no good reason, while petty bureaucrats take inordinate amounts of time to work out the tiny problems that they detect in perfectly routine transactions. THEN I have to breeze by and renew my driver’s license and get new license plates.

64. I’ve got an urgent session with my therapist.

65. I’ve got a really urgent session with my therapist.

66. I’ve … I … I’m not … I don’t … I CAN’T COPE WITH THIS!!

67. I have to get my contact lenses fitted.

68. I have to get my hearing aid adjusted.

69. I have to get my big toe calibrated.

70. Hey, hey! The Monkees could be coming to our town

71. My rheumatism is acting up. There’s going to be a terrible tornado.

72. My arthritis is acting up. There’s going to be a terrible blizzard.

73. The pharaoh is acting up. There’s going to be a terrible rain of frogs.

74. I need to give blood.

75. I need to give evidence.

76. I need to give up.

77. I’m going to my best friend’s engagement party.

78. I’m going to my best friend’s wedding.

79. I’m going to my best friend’s divorce. (We all knew it wouldn’t last. At the wedding, everybody threw Minute Rice.)

80. I have a seriously overdue library book that I have to return.

81. I have a bunch of old parking tickets, and if I don’t pay them I’m going to be arrested.

82. The police are at the back door. Cover me.

83. I’m having my nails done.

84. I’m having my colors done.

85. I’m having my head examined.

86. I’m going to the bank.

87. I’m going to sleep.

88. I’m going over the edge.

89. A friend of mine is dying and I have to go to the hospital.

90. A friend of mine has died and I have to go to the funeral parlor.

91. A friend of mine is being reincarnated and I have to go to the zoo.

92. I need to check out the hole in the ozone layer.

93. I need to check into a rest home.

94. I’m breaking in my shoes.

95. I’m breaking up with my boyfriend.

96. I’m breaking out.

97. I have to pick up my dry cleaning.

98. I have to pick out a car.

99. Salmon Rushdie is coming in to talk about his idea for a book on Christian fundamentalists. I thought I’d go to a ball game instead.

Everyone needs a bit of extra time of occasionally, and all manner of outlandish excuses are given. Here is a list of 99 (mostly funny) excuses for getting out of work.

### World's Largest Swimming Pool

The San Alfonso pool is 1km in length. The revolutionary clear water artificial lagoons, transparent to a depth of 35 meters and unprecedented in design and construction methods, are the brainchild of Crystal Lagoons founder, biochemist and Chilean businessman Fernando Fischmann. Equivalent in size to an incredible 6,000 standard domestic pools, details of its technology are to be unveiled for the first time at Cityscape Dubai later this month.this artificial lagoon and swimming pool is eight hectares in size and contains an incredible 250,000 cubic meters of water. Acknowledged by Guinness World Records as being the world’s largest swimming pool, the lagoon trounces all other record holders in the category, including the Orthlieb pool in Casablanca, Morocco, itself a huge 150 meters by 100 meters,More Largest Swimming Pool